Angels and Demons
by icydragonfire
Summary: [or how a Hoarse Dragon, a Blonde Wolf Demon, an Asian chick, and their German Social Studies teacher saved the World ] [But now that he thinks about it, Satoshi should've never wished for a better police team...]
1. Chapter 1: Away to Azumano we go

Satoshi slammed open the door to his apartment and nearly cracked the wall in his anger. He held a pale hand up to his temple and cursed his police team, his life, everything…ran to the bathroom, threw up----the stomach virus was coming around----and toppled on the bed.

_Incompetent _police team. Those idiots couldn't catch Dark, couldn't catch him even if he was bound, gagged, and blindfolded with a broken leg. Satoshi hated to admit it, but he was never going to succeed with the team he had now.

He needed help. And not from the police chief, either. His "experts" always got knocked out by the Phantom Thief, ignored Satoshi when he called for help, and ran away gibbering about security alarms that went off ten minutes too late when it was their fault the arrest hadn't happened. They never considered listening to commands.

They couldn't even obey simple instructions. In his bed, Satoshi sighed. Only one choice existed now, if Satoshi ever wanted to capture Dark. Even though what he was about to do was beyond thinking, he reached for the cell phone.

He was going to ask his father for a favor.

6:30 PM. Airport terminal in London.

"Ughh…" an Asian girl with a low ponytail and a voice hoarse from habit groaned. She looked down at the other Chinese girl kneeling nearby. "Brittney, are we about to go?"

Brittney looked up irritably. She was having a Bad Day. She'd woken up with a headache, the icy wind was freezing her to death, and her hair was flying everywhere.

"Asians Rock", her shirt said, but at the moment, neither Brittney nor her classmate Jennifer-of-the-Low-Ponytail felt very Asian. They felt dead.

"Where's Ashley?" Brittney asked, squinting upward.

Just then, a joyful, exuberant, voluptuous blond girl in a furry jacket bounded up to them, her purse swinging hard enough to accidentally knock out a nearby photographer.

"We lost the nerds," she said happily. A military-type man with a thick moustache and a shaved head marched up behind her. "But Mr. Hunt says we don't have enough time to go looking for them."

Brittney looked around. "By that, do you mean we lost _everyone but us_?"

Ashley nodded gleefully, her glasses sliding up and down her nose. Behind her, the army general glowered. "Awesome," said Brittney, and turned to the beefy military man. "So our entire class, excluding the four of us, has gotten lost somewhere in downtown?"

The ex-sergeant (he was a social studies teacher now) gave her a beady glare and started barking out orders that sent everyone scrambling. "What, you expect me to go looking for them? We got an assignment from Central and we're not stopping for a bunch of lost kids. We can come back for them later, unfortunately----GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF THE SNOW, YOUNG LADY, AND DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY FOR THAT DESRESPECTABLE GESTURE YOU JUST MADE!"

"Sheesh…" Brittney muttered.

"YOU CALL THOSE PUSH-UPS? MY GRANDMA CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT! And YOU! Tuck in your shirt! Get moving, you lot, we're due in Azumano at 1300 hours! THAT WASN'T TWENTY-----! Oh, look, the bus is here."

"This is what our life has become," Brittney moaned.

Jennifer gaped at their Social Studies teacher as he ran to confer with the bus driver. "Did he say _Azumano_?"

"Where's that?" Ashley asked, getting Brittney's luggage for her.

"Ohmigod," Jennifer said, really fast.

Brittney moaned again. "When he first told us that we were going on a field trip traveling around the world I thought it would be exciting. Not waiting in airports for forever. Not going to some unknown rural town in Latin America."

The sergeant had motioned for Jennifer to start getting her luggage on the bus. "Latin America? We're not going to Latin America," she said before she was out of earshot.

"Where are we going, then?" Ashley asked, helping Brittney trudge toward their teacher's choice of transportation.

Suddenly, Mr. Hunt turned and growled at them. "Get on the bus. Hurry. Don't give me that look, we're on police time now."

Jennifer and Ashley immediately loaded up and got in.

Brittney had to be shoved in the back, but not before she noticed something. "This bus has no license plate!"

The sergeant's smile in the dark was creepy. "You three are the only ones to help me, huh?"

Jennifer and Ashley edged away from him as the bus revved up and began moving.

"Help you with what?" Ashley asked, watching the tire prints out back being erased by newly falling snow.

"To capture a criminal who's been stealing precious works of art from various museums."

Jennifer promised herself she would not scream.

"Sounds boring," Brittney said, and fell asleep.

--------------------------THE NEXT DAY--------------------------------------

Daisuke wished his mother hadn't cooked such a big breakfast. He was stuffed.

Walking along to school, he tripped over two cracks in the sidewalk and didn't catch himself the last time. His alter ego Dark laughed at him a lot and called him a loser.

Which was quite normal.

He got to school, couldn't wave back to the girl he loved because he had an unfortunate DNA problem, and fainted when he remembered the homework he didn't do because he'd been out stealing precious works of art from various museums. (As his alter ego, of course.)

Which could happen now and then.

But then he stepped inside his classroom and saw 3 new students at the front of the room and knew something was wrong. Whether it was the Chinese girl glaring daggers at him----Krad's signature look---, or the blond one chewing on her ID, he didn't know. All three of them gave him the creeps.

As if they were bad luck.

"This is Daisuke Niwa," the teacher was saying to the new people.

The girl with the low black ponytail looked like she was going to burst with happiness. Next to her, the Krad-in-an-Asian-form girl acknowledged his existence by sniggering.

"Hello," Daisuke said, and nearly fell as he ran for the safety of his seat.

_/ Clumsy as ever/ _Dark taunted within him.

_Shut up, _Daisuke said back.

In the front, Brittney whispered to Ashley. "Who's that hag? The teacher?"

Ashley let out a high-pitched giggle.

Brittney then turned to Jennifer. "Klutzy, isn't he?"

"Who?"

"Flame-head. That guy we were just introduced to."

Jennifer didn't say anything, just stared dreamily at him with her mouth open.

"You're drooling, Jen," Brittney teased.

"Now that the whole class is here, we can assign you seats. We do apologize. We only have 2 seats open. One of you will have to stand in the back," the teacher said to the new kids as soon as everyone had filed in.

"Huh?" Ashley asked. "What did she say?"

"More like, what language is she speaking?" Brittney demanded.

"So, who will volunteer to stand?" the teacher asked, trying to be funny.

Jennifer and Ashley simultaneously raised their eyebrows. "And I'm supposed to understand this Taiwanese…?" Ashley asked.

"Hey, wait a minute…" Brittney turned in Daisuke's direction. "I just recognized him or something. He's so familiar all of a sudden…"

She stepped forward to see him better.

"Thank you for volunteering," the teacher said, and steered a bewildered Brittney to the back of the room.

"Ha ha," Jennifer said in mock victory as she and Ashley sat down a few minutes later. At a desk.

----------GUESS WHO'S IN THE BACK------------------------

Satoshi looked up from his laptop and was genuinely surprised by the girl stalking toward him. Her hair was long, black, and her eyes were dark brown, but other than that, she could've been Krad's sister, the way she glowered at him. Beneath her coat, her fists were clenched.

She stopped right by him, and turned to lean against the wall. Satoshi's first reaction was that she was quite rude, just standing there, looking at him. Then he realized she was the only one standing and knew something had gone on that he'd missed.

"Awesome laptop. They let you have those in here? This school could be nice. Anything else here? Dress code? Hall passes? Lame stuff like that?"

Satoshi had no idea what the girl was blabbering about---or what language she spoke. All he knew was that she was eyeing his laptop.

_Foreign exchange student, _he deduced.

"So, who are you? You look so familiar."

Satoshi decided he was a stupid git for not knowing how to respond to an alien advance.

"Where are we, exactly? Mr. Hunt didn't say much, just about some criminal we had to go get."

Krad snickered somewhere in the back of Satoshi's head. _Shut up_, Satoshi said back to him, completely missing Brittney's question.

_Rude, much, _Brittney thought. _You could at least answer my questions. _"How's life in general, for you?"

_Rude, _Satoshi thought. _What foreign exchange student has enough nerve to just talk to people and expect them to know instant English? Stupid. _

Both of them huffed and twisted away so they wouldn't have to face the other inconsiderate person

_Bet he's a geek, _Brittney thought viciously. _Glasses, laptop, IGNORING PEOPLE…_

_Spoiled brat, she must be used to being the center of attention. No wonder she thinks everyone would INSTANLY be happy with her hovering over their shoulder, _Satoshi reflected.

_I want to get out of the range of his UTTER disrespect…_

…_un-intelligent fluff brain…American UN-know-it-all…dumb girl…_

This went on for some time until the teacher wrote something on the board they both could understand.

**#21-50**

**#56-89**

"This is out of the textbook, page 189. You can share with Satoshi," the teacher said to Brittney.

"Huh?" Brittney answered, but the teacher had already turned away.

Satoshi dug out the textbook.

_Oh boy, I guess I have to look on creepy geeky guy's book…_

_She better not assume that I'm easy to boss around and just look off my homework…_

_I hate this! Mr. Offensive Nerd over here…_

_What? She's looking off of MY book?_

_Oh great, what am I supposed to do, work the problems out WITH HIM? I don't have any paper…_

_She better not expect any free answers…_

The thoughts were very evident on their expressions now. Satoshi was scowling, and Brittney was seething mad. He gave her a scathing look and opened the textbook at an angle where she couldn't see it.

In doing so, his sleeve fell back, and the inner wrist of his left hand was revealed.

Brittney's gasp was audible. She reached across and grabbed his arm.

For a moment, she gaped at the thin, fine scars that still lingered on the surface of his skin. Red lines, indicating that he'd been cut many times up and down his inner arm. Some cuts had just begun healing, while others had crusted scabs.

And Brittney knew the lines were too random to be anything but self-abuse. He was cutting himself.

Because Brittney had not forgotten how that felt.

She'd once had those scars.

She'd once cut for the sadistic desire to hurt herself.

She'd thought she was all alone.

How ironic it was that the first person she would ever meet going through what she had went through was in some obscure place like Azumano.

Brittney looked up and was surprised when she realized Satoshi was looking across the room at Daisuke (aka Flamehead). She thought she heard a sigh.

For just a minute, his eyes seemed to glow yellow.

And everything fell together, just felt so perfectly simple, like the pieces of a puzzle. The whole world turned a sticky green as Brittney prepared to puke. She had no absolute desire to embarrass herself, but there was no way she could hold it.

Satoshi went with the second instinct and groaned.


	2. Chapter 2: Begin the Hilarity

You're probably going to ask me how I can guarantee this, but I guarantee you are going to laugh by the end of the chapter. Just do it.

* * *

"Hiwatari-kun! Are you all right?"

Satoshi's hopes lifted just a teensy, weensy bit when he saw Daisuke running toward him with a worried expression. He'd waited for this day…then he realized that the teacher had probably sent Daisuke to check up on him. Instantly, Satoshi's anticipation deflated faster than Dark's ego when pricked by a pin. Whereas Dark might've raced home crying about the "boo-boo", Satoshi attempted to finish drying off his shirt in silent anger.

"The teacher---she was worried---and the girl---she took over your seat---and we have a new project---. Oh, you look wet, Satoshi. Really wet."

Inside, Krad buried his face in his hands.

* * *

"Him! Here? Oh my gosh, why didn't you warn me, Jennifer…?"

"I tried! And ohmigod I actually said 'hi' to Daisuke!"

Ashley was very cramped. "What are you guys talking about? I'm getting squished, and the lunch bell already rang."

"Uh-oh, he'll be at lunch!"

"Jennifer and Daisuke, sitting in a tree!"

Ashley pushed against them. "Umm…guys, it's really stuffy in here. So yeah. Could we leave?"

At that moment, the janitor opened the hall closet door and found 3 girls gaping back at him. He had been cleaning up Brittney's gastrointestinal artwork and merely needed a mop. However, they had apparently hid in the wrong closet at the wrong time.

"I can explain" Brittney said before they tumbled out.

* * *

200 miles away, in a elevated laboratory half a mile above the ground:

"I did it! Oh yes, I did it! Oh, Stephen! Oy, you boy! Hurry up and get up here! I've finally completed it!"

"It is very impressive, Professor…"

"Of course it is! Now, write this down, for the encyclopedias: On the 20th of June, 1924, Professor Arnold Bean Humbug finally concluded his noble efforts! In his elevated laboratory half a mile off ground, he invented the first ever---!"

"…Sir, it's October, sir…and we're in the 21st century, sir…"

"---oh, shut up, you talk too much---I repeat, the first ever mind-reading device in history! I shall now run a preliminary test!"

With a _ZAP!_ the laboratory lit up with a brilliant glare as atomic articles in the megaton range of the mind-reading apparatus destroyed all boundaries known to man and invoked their nuclei etc, etc (insert scientific-sounding terms here). In seconds, the inner workings of Stephen's brains were revealed to Arnold Bean Humbug.

_The professor must be crazy…but that's why I work here. Sigh…I'm such a altruistic person. I really should get another job, though, because sometimes the professor forgets my paycheck. Like how he forgets the date. And last week he called me his wife. One can only dream…well, I mean, Professor. Humbug **is** a very attractive man…Now what was I doing? Oh yes, the Professor is running a preliminary test---WHAT THE---!???!?! ON ME!!!??_

There was an awkward silence as the Professor read what Stephen was thinking while Stephen realized the Professor was reading what he was thinking since both of them were now thinking

* * *

There was an awkward silence as Satoshi and Daisuke reappeared in the classroom. At this moment, 200 miles away, Stephen was running home in tears while the Professor completely forgot about his assistant. Instead, he was now focusing the mind-reading ray 200 miles away on a location called Azumano Junior High. No one knows why he chose this spot. Maybe he spotted Satoshi's weirdly colored hair and decided to peek in on things.

This is what he saw.

**Daisuke:**

Why is everyone staring at us? Gulp…I feel so exposed…

**Satoshi:**

What? Why are they looking so intently? Am I standing too close to Daisuke? I'm not even touching him! What! That girl actually has the nerve to sit in my seat? &#!!

**Takeshi:**

Mother of pearl…I wish Satoshi and Daisuke would _move over, _I gotta see this up close…

**Jennifer:**

(mouth open)

Why is the teacher showing us NAKED STATUES? Ohmigod. Ohmigod. This is pornography!

**The Teacher:**

Oh great. They look shocked. Well, studying Greek Classical Art is mostly boring stuff, so I had to make it fun _somehow_…

**Brittney:**

Holy crap…it's Apollo…

**Ashley:**

Oookey, I am SO not looking at that! And why is Jennifer blushing?

**The Teacher: **

Well, better start putting them in groups for the project. Let's see…it'll be easier to go with the friends. Risa and Riku and Tasume and Yaraha. Daisuke and Takeshi…and Satoshi, although he probably knows all this stuff. Reiji and Mitsuka.

**Takeshi:**

Awesome! I get to scope out nude Greek people with Daisuke! And Satoshi!

**Jennifer:**

Why is everyone getting into groups? Oh, a sort of project. Where do I go? Ohmigod, Daisuke is waving at me! AHHH!!

**Ashley:**

Ummm, are we supposed to be pairing up? And why is Takeshi _touching_ the statue?!?

"And since our girls need some guides, why don't you three show them around and help them with the project, ok?" The teacher beamed at them and shoved Daisuke into Jennifer, who gave a loud "Eh!"

**Daisuke:**

No! Riku! It's not what it looks like!

**Jennifer:**

He's PRESSING against me!

"And oh yes, you too," the teacher said, dragging Brittney and Ashley over.

It took about half a millisecond for Brittney to what was happening. She and Satoshi gave each other a surprised glance, and then it was war.

"Well, you're in your groups now!" the teacher beamed, not minding the death-glares being traded over her head.

Satoshi mentally added his teacher as Number-Two-Person-He-Would-Not-Mind-Krad-Beating-Up-Once-In-A-While. His father had already taken the top spot.

Heck, he would add the girl as Number Three.

**Brittney:**

(weakly) I just realized…**S**atoshi/**T**akeshi/**D**aisuke. STD. And we're the JAB (**J**ennifer/**A**shley/**B**rittney). JAB STD?!?!?

**Jennifer:**

Can anyone get him off of me?

**Daisuke:**

AHHH! My hair's stuck to her shirt! Stupid button, let my hair go…

**Riku:**

(covering eyes with hands) We are so over, Daisuke.

* * *

Once in the safety of the library, the six sat around their appointed table. Two of them were clueless about what was going on. One was as red as his hair. One was very mad. Another was emotionlessly seething, if that was possible. Still one more was reading a porn magazine.

Satoshi opened his briefcase and dug out a very old notebook. It had a faded H on the navy cover. He had used it a long time ago, before he'd come to Azumano, at Hartford Academy. It had been quite a while, but he was sure the English would start coming back to him.

Brittney's eyes glossed over the cover and lit up. "Hartford!" she squealed. She took on a dreamy expression. "Yeah, I remember Hartford," she went on. "Loved the school, hated the people. But the teachers were nice enough, I guess."

Krad appeared in an astral form beside Satoshi and raised an eyebrow. _Hartford is a boys' school._

Jennifer read the cover, which was written in both Japanese and English. "Hartford Boys' Academy. Wait. Only boys are allowed there, Brittney. How'd you get in?"

Brittney shrugged as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. By now, Takeshi had put down his porno and was listening excitedly, despite the fact he couldn't understand much of what was being said. "Well, I had to go in disguise, mainly…"

Krad choked on an imaginary donut. _She cross-dressed! _And he laughed so hard he fell to the floor.

"You cross-dressed," Satoshi said feebly, lowering his notebook.

"You cross-dressed!" Takeshi exclaimed, an almost jealous expression on his face. He leaned across the table. "What was it like?"

Brittney stared at him for a full minute. "What?" she said at last.

_She can't understand you, _Krad said listlessly, eating his imaginary donut.

Satoshi sighed extra loudly and flipped furiously through his notebook. Daisuke stared intently at the table. Takeshi was still waiting for a reply. Brittney was staring quizzically at everyone. Ashley was tracing her name. Jennifer leaned forward perkily but then found nothing to lean forward perkily about. The teacher was secretly taking a nap in the lounge. Professor Arnold Bean Humbug was being interviewed by Oprah (and simultaneously reading Oprah's mind). Hilary Rodham Clinton was running for president----.

"Cross-dresser," Satoshi mumbled, reading from his notebook, brow furrowed in concentration. The English letters could've been another language for all he was concerned.

"So?" Brittney asked disdainfully. "Some sacrifices have to be made."

Ashley got the point. "You can speak English?!?" she gasped at Satoshi.

Satoshi was trying to figure what they were saying. _She called you a homosexual, skirt---er, pant-chasing, flowery fairy, _Krad added helpfully.

"She called me a what?" Satoshi asked in Japanese.

"Whoa, go back to English!"

"Yeah, I didn't catch that last part, Satoshi, say it again."

"His English is _good_," Jennifer said, leaning forward perkily again.

_A homosexual pant-chasing flowery fairy, _Krad repeated, even more helpfully.

Satoshi dove into the part of his notebook no good English student should learn. "Bullshit," he said forcibly.

"WHAT?" Ashley cried. Brittney sprang up. "What did you say?"

Now the taller girl is trying to accuse you of secretly being in love with your teddy bear and kissing it at night. 

"What teddy bear?" Satoshi asked, puzzled. He also stood up to face Brittney.

Daisuke brightened. "Are you talking about teddy bears? I gave Riku a teddy bear for her birthday. It was brown with a red ribbon---."

_What do you mean, what teddy bear? The one I ripped up 3 years ago because you liked it too much._

"Oh," said Satoshi. "That teddy bear."

Takeshi had plopped a tape recorder on the table and was watching this like a tennis match. "What did she say, Satoshi?" he asked.

"She's accusing me---er, Daisuke of molesting a teddy bear---."

"You can't take that, Daisuke!" Takeshi roared, thumping the table so that his porn magazines fell to the ground. "Quick, Satoshi, what's a good comeback?"

_I think you are very pretty,_ responded Krad from over Satoshi's shoulder.

"I think you are very pretty," Satoshi said to Takeshi.

Takeshi instantly grabbed Daisuke so that they were all standing, facing Brittney and the still-sitting Ashley and Jennifer. "Say it, Daisuke! 'I think you are very pretty.' C'mon, say it, don't let them walk all over you! They insulted your teddy bear! They insulted your pride! Your honor! They're mocking all teddy bears! Besides, they burned our crops, spoiled our milk, and stole our livestock!"

"They did?" Daisuke asked blearily.

"**No**," Takeshi said theatrically, "but are you going to wait around until they do?!? Say it now! 'I think you are very pretty!'"

_By the way, Satoshi, that means "I think you are very pretty" in English._

"WHAT THE---KRAD—_THAT'S _WHAT IT MEANS---!?!?"

"Say it!"

"Why are all of them saying 'I think you are very pretty' to each other?" Brittney asked.

"Love triangle," said Ashley, sniggering.

Jennifer blushed.

She grew even redder a couple of seconds later when a very reluctant and embarrassed Daisuke, unaware of Satoshi goggling at him, said red-facedly to Jennifer, "I think you are very pretty," which pretty much ruined the chances of the group project succeeding as the meeting dissolved into giggles and a lot of alter egos choking on imaginary donuts.


End file.
